HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS TRUCK IS AMAZING.
It's got a bed, yeah, thats right, a bed. You can put stuff in it and move around. HOLY FUCK, YOU COULD MOVE A COUCH WITH THIS THING. I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT, BECAUSE I'VE GOD DAMN DONE IT.
New tires on it? LESS THAN 5 THOUSAND MILES ON THESE TIRES? Good god, you're gonna get traction everywhere. Its got stock wheels, so you know for a fact that these bitches arent going to get stolen.
OH, YOU WANT SOME FEATURES? HOW ABOUT AN AM/FM RADIO? Thats right, you can even listen to music in this truck. Its fucking incredible. When's the last time you wanted to listen to music while you were driving? Let me answer that question for you. ALL THE TIME. It's got manual windows. Thats right, manual fucking windows made of GLASS. THIS IS AWESOME, FOR TWO REASONS. First, there's no faggoty motors to die and burn out on you, leaving you with a piece of shit window that wont roll up or down? WHO NEEDS WINDOWS THAT DONT MOVE? FUCK THAT SHIT. Second reason, with all that manual rolling up and down of windows, your arms are sure to get totally jacked and bitches love dudes with jacked arms. OH, CHECK IT OUT, A FULL SIZED SPARE TIRE. YOU GET FIVE TIRES WITH THIS TRUCK. Preposterous, you say? I'll fucking slap you.
When's the last time you thought to yourself, "Man, I wish I had a harem of women I could plow through on a daily basis." Well, this truck doesn't come with one but it will certainly increase your chances of having one, with it's light grey interior. Dont worry about the one cigarette burn in the drivers side seat, you cant even see it when you're sitting on it you dumb mother fucker. Plus, I dont like to call them cigarette burns, I like to call them "awesome holes of justice and greatness." The rest of the interior is obviously the inspiration for the interior of the Bugatti Veyron, but the Veyron doesnt have two cup holders like this truck has. Oh, you got some groceries? You want to put them in the cab of a regular truck? FUCK YOU, THERES NOT ENOUGH SPACE. Thankfully, this truck has the extended cab without back seats, so you can put your milk, eggs, and gallons of liquid money in the cab with you where the fucking amazing air conditioning is. Trust me bro, this AC is no joke. It blows imported air from the North Pole. This thing blows so cold that you'll swear you were in a meat locker filled with hot chicks in bikinis and stacks of cash. But the coldness wont bother you because you're a chill bro.
Oh, you wanna talk about the exterior? Alright, lets talk about the excessively awesome paint. The paint on this truck was originally going to be used to paint the Mona Lisa, but the painter of the truck was like fuck that shit and painted the truck before they could use it on that shitty canvas art. It is blue. The deepest, richest, fullest blue on the planet. The ocean can suck this paint's dick, its that blue. It makes the sky look like a little faggot compared to how rich this paint is. It's got a small dent on the bed from moving the tons and tons of pussy this truck will get you.
It's got a 6 cylinder engine. THATS RIGHT MOTHER FUCKER, 6 CYLINDERS. The engine, designed by a team of F1 engineers, is made of diamonds and baby seal bones. It's had the oil changed every 3,000 miles meticulously by NASA engineers who moonlight as Victoria Secret models. It's got an automatic transmission that would make Mario Andretti weep, because it's so incredibly awesome. It even has a tow/haul function. The car is currently state inspected and will have no problem passing in the future. If it does have problems, you dont need to worry about it because this truck will punch everyone in the face who says it cant pass.
So, in short, you need to realize that passing up buying this truck is like passing up the chance to fuck a supermodel on a bed made entirely out of money. It's like telling the Publisher's Clearing House to fuck off when they say you've won a million dollars. It's like watching Twilight and enjoying it. Basically, its the gayest, worst thing you could possibly do.
Subject: Funny FS AD 
Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:18 am
